HOGS HAVE WARTS?
by Tigra and Loup
Summary: Tigra Ila and Loup Grova just got the infamous letter of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Are Snape and Lupin uncles? Who gets Cho? DOES A GROUP OF UGLY, HUNGRY TURKIES EAT TIGRA AND LOUP?????? You'll just have to find out... R & R plz
1. Oh My God!

HOGS HAVE WARTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Chapter 1 – Oh My GOD!

Disclaimer:  All characters that you do not recognize are Loup's and Tigra's.  (No real names are used.)

"Loup Grova, get out of your hiding spot this fuckin' instance," yelled Tigra Ila, a very angry 11 year old.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!  Jesus Christ, hold your temper WOMAN!!!" Loup yelled so that the neighbors looked out their windows, asking them to be quiet.

"Look who's talking Loupa, you pretty little girl." Tigra said teasing.  Loup was a girl as much as a monkey could build Rome in a day.

Loup snorted with laughter.  "I'm not the girl here.  I'm mean," he said looking her up and down, "you actually look like a girl.  I'm a guy with muscle."

Tigra grinned from ear to ear.  "Yeah, yeah, whatever, but I won.  I won."  Tigra jumped up and down doing a little victory dance.

"Oh shut the fuck up you stupid ditz," Loup exclaimed, "YOU SUCK! HAHAHAHAHA"

***

"Mommy, Mommy.  I got it.  I got it.  Can I go, please?" Tigra yelled from her room.  She was holding the famous Hogwarts parchment letter.

"Tigz, hold on.  I have to put Babe down for her nap!  And then we will floo to the Leaky Cauldron.  And then tomorrow I will take you to Diagon Alley to buy your stuff for school.  Oh, the letters are coming so late this year."

"Yay.  I gotta tell Loup," said Tigra as she ran out the door.

***

"Loup there is a weird letter here for you.  Please come see it?"

"Ok," Loup stated as he walked into the kitchen.  "Wow, this is a weird letter.  It's soooooo heavy!" Loup joked.

"It wasn't that heavy when I picked it up," said Loup's father's girlfriend, Francine, not picking up the joke.

Loup heard the door bell ring abruptly and ran with the letter in his hand to the front door.  Loup read the address on the envelope, and he said "_HOGS HAVE WARTS_!!!???" out loud while Tigra walked in.

"Oh my GOD!!  Oh my GOD!!  Oh my GOD!!  Oh my GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No you incompetent fool.  It's HOGWARTS!" she said.

"Ummm hi Tigz…"               

"You got it too.  Yay!  You're coming to Hogwarts with me.  I always hoped that you would.  I mean, could you imagine going by yourself to Hogwarts?  This is soooo exciting.  I have to tell my mom.  You can come to Diagon Alley with us today, because I doubt that the muggles you live with know were to go."

"What is Hogwarts?  What are muggles?  What is Diagon Alley?  What the hell are you talking about??????????????" Loup asked a little afraid that his best friend was going _slightly_ crazy.

"Oh.  You didn't read you letter yet?  Well, I'll explain it all.  Hogwarts is the best school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Muggles are non-magic people.  Diagon Alley is where you get all of your school stuff.  And what I'm saying this that you're a WIZARD.  I'm a pure blood witch," Tigra said all of this in one breathe.

Loup looked at his letter, then to Tigra, seeing that she was serious, which was rare for her, then back to his letter.  He quickly ripped open his letter.  Enclosed in the envelope was two pieces of parchment.  One was an acceptance letter, and the other was a list of school supplies.

"Whoa dude!  YOU ARE SERIOUS!  This is awesome!  My dad will be pretty bummed about me leaving though... Well probably not because he has that stupid bitch Francine!  God, they must be banging every ten minutes!  Well, not really but…" Loup closed the door and Tigra and Loup ran up to Loup's room.

"This is so cool.  What will the other kids say when I tell them that I'm a wizard?" Loup said, thinking out loud.

"You idiot!  You can't tell anyone that you're a wizard, except your dad!" Tigra cried.  "And, well, you could tell Francine," she added as an after-thought.  She seemed to have calmed down.

"Well, um, oh.  I'll think about it."

"Well, why don't you count your money and pack your stuff.  We'll be staying in England for the rest of the summer.  You will also need to get money from your dad."

Loup quickly got his money out and packed his stuff into a duffle bag.  "Ok."

"You want me to come with you?" Tigra asked.

"Yes, but hide.  I don't want him to see you because he gets emotional about my mom."

"Ok!" said Tigra as they walked down the stairs.  They stopped at Loup's father's study door.  "Actually, I think I will wait here.  Call me in if you need me."

Loup nodded in agreement, and nervously walked into the study.

"DAD!!!!!!!!!  DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I got a letter from a Wizard school…"  Loup yelled.

"Yeah, what do ya want…?" Mr. Grova said cuddling with Francine.

"DAD!  I got this weird "HEAVY" letter from a school called Hogwarts!"  

"Huh?  Hogs have warts?!?!?!"  Francine said retardily.

"Francine….LEAVE!"  Mr. Grova exclaimed at her.

"Fine, Johnny…I'll be with the strawberries!"  Francine said.  Strawberries was a code name for strawberry flavored condoms.  

"Yeah, yeah.  Anyway, Loup, son.  By hogwarts, you mean your role playing game or something?"  Johnny asked worriedly, "I mean seriously, you should stop playing those retarded little games of yours!  Your eleven gods fuck it!"

"DAD STOP RAMBLING YOU STUPID PIECE OF…Ahem...oops…Here goes my ADD again!  No just kidding…Anyway... Yeah, I'm pretty sure you haven't heard about this school, because I sure haven't; it's a school for witches and wizards, Dad.  And even better news!  Tigra's going too!"

Just then, Loup got a vision of some lady that looked almost exactly like him.  She was wearing a cloak and when she put it on, half of her body vanished.  What was this?  

"No!!!!!!!!!!!! No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO, No, no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This can't be happening."  Johnny cried.

"Um, Dad, are you not telling me something?"

"Yes….no……..wait………ugh fine…yes there is something I'm not telling you.  You see….. um…. Your mom was a witch and she died giving birth to you.  So you see, you a half-blood wizard.  Um…. Your mom was full blood witch.  Um… I'll call your uncle and ask him to take you there."

"Um, Dad, I'm going with Tigra, but, hey, if 'My Uncle' wants to meet me there great.  Tigra come in here please?"

Tigra walked in.  "Yes Loupa?"

"Don't call me that.  Will you explain to my dad when we're going?"

"Sure thing.  Loupa…"  Tigra teased.

Loup was just about to strangle her as she said, "Enough with you, you stupid wizard."  And Loup found himself up in the air, floating just below the ceiling.  "Oops.  Sorry about that, but I can't let you down 'til I'm not mad.  So, anywho, Mr. Grova," said Tigra in her business voice.  "My mom is taking me to London, England today and for the rest of the summer.  Loup is allowed to come with me and my mom is friends with Remus.  They became friends when your wife died.  Sorry to bring it up.  Umm… yeah.  Loup I'm letting you down now, but it may hurt."  As soon as Tigra said that Loup fell down from the air and flopped on the ground with a huge groan.

"Loup and Tigra come up with me to the attic.  I have stuff for you Loup," said Johnny.

They all walked up the stairs and up the ladder into the old, dusty attic.  Loup had never been up here.  In the middle of the floor there was a large chest.  Johnny walked over to it and opened it.

Inside was the cloak that Loup had had a vision of.  "Oh cool, you also have and invisibility cloak!  My mom gave me mine!" exclaimed Tigra.

Under the cloak, there also were old pictures, a crystal ball, tarot cards, incense, gems and stones, bells, book of shadows, and large strange coins.  'Loup this was all your mother's stuff from school.  She would want you to have it.  So take it with you," said Johnny as he handed the stuff to Loup.

Loup looked at the first picture.  There were three people standing together laughing and waving at the camera.  The person in the middle was Loup's mom.  She and the boy to her left (who looked exactly like Loup) had sandy brown hair, and grey-blue eyes.  The boy looked really tired, but happy.  The girl to the right of Loup's mom was obviously Tigra's mom.  She looked exactly like Tigra, with almond-brown, blue eyes with yellow, slim and tall, pale skin, and with a glass of ice in her hand. (A/N: Tigra and Loup love to eat ice in real life.)

"Um, what are this coins Tigra?" asked Loup.

"Oh that, that is wizard money.  The gold ones are Galleons, the silver ones are Sickles, and the bronze ones are Knuts.  The Knuts are worth the least, the Sickles are worth a little more, and the Galleons are worth the most."

They all walked do stairs, and put the stuff into Loup's duffle bag.  Tigra called her mom to come over with her wand.

_Knock, Knock_.  "Oh that's my mom," said Tigra.

Loup went to answer the door.  "Hi Mrs. Ila.  Please come in."

"Mommy," screamed Tigra.  "Guess what?  Loup is a wizard."

"I knew that.  His mom and I were best friends when we to school," said Mrs. Ila.  "Johnny, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Saphira.  And how are you?"

"Good, good.  So is Loup coming with us?  If so, I'll call Remus and Harry when we get to my house," said Saphira.

"Ok.  Well bye Loup.  I'll see you next year!" said Johnny sadly to Loup.

Loup walked up to his dad, and gave him a hug.  "Bye dad."

"Bye son."  And they left with Saphira putting a feather light spell on Loup's bag.

***

When they got to Tigra's house Saphira called Remus Lupin, and told him to meet them at the Leaky Cauldron.  Then they said good-bye to Babe, Alpha (Tigra's Dad), and the Country Canada (which is where they live), they walked up to the fire place.  "Ok, this is what we will do.  Tigra you go first and wait for Loup.  Then Loup you go and said 'Leaky Cauldron Lobby' when you step into the fire.  Then I will come through with the bags.  See you soon Tigra," called Saphira as Tigra walked into the fire and said 'Leaky Cauldron Lobby'.

            Tigra fell with a huge BOOM and Loup, a second later crashed on top of her.

            "Owwwwwww!  Loup GROVA! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!!!!"  Tigra yelled.  Then everyone just started staring, which made Tigra terribly angry.  (A/N: And we all know when Tigra gets angry!)  And then they all disappeared!  She looked up and there were all the people up there floating.  She blushed.  "I suggest none of you try to get down by yourself…Just wait till I'm just a tad bit happier."  Just then Remus walked in.  He started cracking up at the site of everyone floating close to the ceiling, except his goddaughter Tigra.

"Tsk, Tsk, Tigra.  You need to learn to control your temper," he said still laughing.

Tigra just grinned ear to ear at him.  At this everyone started to float down VERY slowly.  "Remus!" screamed Tigra as she ran over to give him a hug.  Then see noticed Harry.  "Hello Potter," she said giving Harry a hug.  Then she went back to the fire place and dragged Loup over.  "Loupa, this is your Uncle Remus and his 'New" godson, Harry Potter."

"Hi."

"Hi," said Harry.  "Hey Lupin, he looks like you."

_Bang_.  Tigra looked behind her to the fire place and saw her mom standing there, looking at all the people in the air, then to her.  "Tigra, honey, I know that you are mad at these people, but would you mind putting them down now.  And GENTLY!" said Saphira.

"Ok, Ok.  Sheesh!  Some people have no humor."  At this Remus burst out laughing.  Slowly all the people that had been floating near the ceiling, came down.

Saphira walked over to them.  "Well Remus, long time, no see.  So how are you and your 'charges'?" she said looking over at Harry.

"Well, Ms. Snape, I'm perfect.  The new potion worked perfectly.  No more monthly sickness.  And my 'charges', well they are fine.  I think.  You're fine, right Harry?"  

Harry only nodded because he was shocked from what Remus had called the Mrs. Ila.

Remus laughed at the look on Harry's face, and decided to explain this to him.  "Harry, Saphira's maiden name is Snape.  Yes, Snape," he said for Harry still had a look on this face, but it had now turned to disgust.  "Harry, Saphira is Sanpe's step sister.  Snape was adopted, you see.  She dislikes her brother."

"Yes, well, Severus is an asshole.  Speaking of the devil… I mean literally… Oh, hello Severus."  Saphira nodded her head towards her brother.

"Err… Hello Saphira……………………………"

A/N:  So what do you like?  Please READ AND REVIEW.  If you do Tigra and Loup will be most pleased… We will start the next Chapter soon.  Byebye.


	2. Nine and Three Quarters of Shopping

HOGS HAVE WARTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Chapter 2 – 9 ¾ of Shopping

Disclaimer: We only own characters that you do not know.  Please Read and Review!!

Last Ch.:

"Err… Hello Saphira……………………………"

Chapter 2:

"Lupin, Potter." Severus nodded his head to them.

"Ummm, hi, person…who are you?" Loup asked bewildered.

"You fool!  I'm only the bestest teacher in all of Hogwarts history!" Snape said in a snobby voice.

"HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!  Yeah, your sure the BESTEST teacher…you said a word that doesn't even exist!  I mean, YOU IDIOT!"  Loup said aloud by mistake.

"WHY YOU LITTLE………." Snape started.

"Severus!  SHUT UP!  I mean look at this poor little wizard!  Please, can you calm down for once in your sad, pathetic, greasy-haired life?" Saphira said.

"Yes ma'am!" Snape said.  Snape is older than Saphira but still respects her as if she was his mother.

"Now, Severus, if I hear ONE complaint from Tigra or Loup about you, I will get your hide fire once and for all!" Saphira yelled again.

"Ugh, FINE!" Snape snapped.

"ONE COMPLAINT, SEVERUS!  ONE!!!!!!!!!!!" Saphira started getting a tad bit red now.

"Mom, Ummm calm down… People are staring like they did before," Tigra turned around toward them, "AND IF I GET MAD AGAIN, YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN!!" Then everyone in the pub turned back to what they were doing before they started staring.  They went to the nearest table and sat.  Loup and Tigra felt a little weird, being the only two people in all the Leaky Cauldron with Canadian accents (saying aboot, and eh and all).

Severus decided not to join them and left.  

"Hey Remus!  Mommy gave me an invisibility cloak!" said Tigra.

"Saphira, YOU HAD AN INVISIBILITY CLOAK?!" Remus asked frantically.

"Err…yes…but no not anymore…its Tigra's now!" Saphira stated smiling, "Your sister also had one too didn't she tell you?  Well, I actually don't think so because we wanted to get around Hogwarts after-hours without that retard Filch spotting us all the time and telling Dumbledore.  Well, we already thought that Dumbledore knew because he knows everything!"

"No, I didn't know she had one, and HOW COME WE DIDN'T SEE YOU ON THE MARAUDER'S MAP???" Remus asked.

Saphira giggled, "Well, that's a little trick that I'm not gonna tell anyone but Loup and Tigra!"

"Come on Saphira, you can't expect me and Severus to favor Loup and Tigra all the time.  That's just not fair.  But… if you insist!"  Remus said with a smile.

"REMUS LUPIN!  I'M ASHAMED OF YOU!!  You're blackmailing me."

"Yup!"

"Fine, fine.  Well, you know that I and Daphne were in Ravenclaw, so we were the smartest in our year.  Well, after you made the Marauder's Map, we charmed it so that when we were in our invisibility cloaks, you couldn't see us.  It worked perfectly.  We would follow you guys around, in your pranks, into the Shrieking Shack…"

"YOU FOLLOWED US INTO THE SHRIEKINGSHACK.  I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU."

"Nope.  When James, Sirius, Pettigrew, ::YUCK::, made the Animagus Potion, we took some and became Animagus too.  Your sister was a grey wolf, and I was a midnight black, shiny puma."

"WHAT, how could you?  That was brilliant.  Stupid, yes…but brilliant all the same.  How come you never told us about all that?"

"How do you think you would have reacted?  Anyways, let's go get our rooms."

***

A day later…

The five of them, did the weird tapping on the brick wall and went into Diagon Alley.  Loup was as surprised as a pig that could fly would be.

They walked through the crowds, and can to Gringotts.  Once they left, they headed for Flourish and Blotts for their books, then they went to the Apothecary to get potion supplies.  After that, it was onto Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions.  Tigra, Loup, and Harry all needed uniforms.  Then, it was for the wand shop.  (A/N: not sure of the name.)

Saphira, Tigra, and Loup in, while Harry and Remus waited outside.  Saphira walked up to the old rusted counter and rang the bell.  An old withered short man came right away.

"Hello, Saphira!  Gee, I haven't seen you since you and Daphne came in about twenty years ago!  Good, golly gosh!  I remember like it was yesterday!!  Boy you guys had…" Mr. Ollivander said and was interrupted by Saphira.

"Ummm yeah, I miss you too….  I'm actually here for my daughter and her best friend Loup.  They need wand fittings."  Saphira glared.

"Ah, yes, Loup!  Daphne's son, she named you Loup because she was an Animagus, she turned into a wolf and Loup in French means wolf… Anyway… I'm just rambling on!  Don't mind the old bag at the counter…  Anywho!  Let us see about the measuring…"  Mr. Ollivander said. It must have been five whole minutes by the time that old fart stopped talking.  He took out a measuring tape with a strange silvery glow out of his pocket and put it onto Tigra's side and let go of it.  It did all these weird movements at Tigra and Loup, both.  After it finished, Mr. Ollivander looked at the measurements.  "Inter……estering………very interesting…"

"What, what, WHAT??  Tell me!  Come on, old man!"  Tigra said anxiously and started to get angry.

"Calm down, dear Tigra," Mr. Ollivander said, "I have no intention of floating for today.  Let me just go get the suitable wands for you both.  Be right back and I'll be spiffy!  Isn't that a word you young ones use these days?  Tee hee."  He walked slowly to the back and came back with a couple of boxes that looked like they'd been around for at least a millennium.  "Both these wands were made from Druids.  This one, Loup, is made from wolfsbane (the herb), wolf's nail, and unicorn hair.  Notice the wood is made from Willow bark and look, see the carvings?"  He pointed to four carvings on the handle of the wand, "This one is symbol of protection, and it is a pentagram.  This one here is the crescent moon, this one is the symbol for the planet Neptune, and this odd looking one here represents Pisces!"

"Yeah, I'm Pisces and my planet IS Neptune!" Loup said.

Mr. Ollivander gave him the wand.  "Please wave it around."

"Yes sir!"  Loup gave the wand a wave.  He felt a tingle in his right arm.  Then, green and blue sparks shot out of the tip of the wand.

"Excellent.  It looks like you found your wand already.  Miss Ila, your next."  Mr. Ollivander wrapped up Loup's wand and handed it to him.  Then he took out an 11 inch wand.  "Tigra, this wand was also made by the Druids.  It is made of Rowan wood, and has a Pegasus feather, rose buds, ivy, and the eyelash of a puma."  Then he pointed to four carvings on the handle and two on the sides of the wand.  "This carving is for Aries, like you, this one it for Mars, like you, this one is a rose bud, and this on is the sun.  The two on the sides are carvings of ivy.  Try it."  He handed her the wand.

"Thanks."  Tigra had the same feeling in her arm as Loup, and gave the wand a wave.  Out of the end shot purple and gold flowers.

"Very interesting…  Usually when you first get a wand it only shots out sparks, not flowers, but, you never know."  With that he took back the wand and wrapped it up.  After handing it back to Tigra, both she and Loup paid 11 Galleons for them.

***

Once they were outside they headed to Magical Menagerie.

***

"Mom, mom, I want that Owl!"  squealed Tigra excitedly.  She was pointing to the only black owl in the shop that was hooting softly.  The owl was a little smaller than average, had soft, silky, black feathers, and baby blue eyes.  The owner walked over to them when she saw Tigra pointing to the magnificent black creature.

"You like her, miss?"

"Oh yes!  She's lovely!  How much for her?"

"20 Galleons miss."

"Mom can I have her?  PLEASE?"  Saphira handed the storekeeper the money in exchange for the owl.

"YAY!  I'm going to name her… Midnight.  Yes, that's the perfect name for her.  Hi Midnight."  With that she stroked Midnight who was sitting on the perch in her cage.

While this was going on, Loup was looking at the rats.

"You sure you want a rat?" asked a voice behind him.  "My friend had a rat; it ended up being a human."

Loup looked behind him and saw Harry.  "Umm… Yay, I want a rat."  Loup looked back at the rats.  One particular rat caught his eye.  The rat looked back at Loup with such innocence in its deep black shiny eyes.  Its cream colored coat shimmered in the candlelight; Loup has fallen in love (you know what I mean…).

"So, you want this disgusting rat laddy?"  The clerk asked with disgust in his face.

"Are you like rat-phobic or something?  Well yeah…I would love to have this LOVELY creature!!"  Loup said with determination.

"Ugh!  Lovely not!  Ok…just take the filthy thing…take it!"

"What do you mean….For free?" Loup asked.

"TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!"  The man said as red as a tomato.

"Cool!"  Loup reached his hand into the cage and took the rat.  She looked ever so excited and Loup felt the warm of the rat against his chest as he gave her the biggest rat hug ever.  "Oh my God…I love you!!  I'm gonna name you……Pearly.  You are as precious as a pearl!"

"Oh, HOW SWEET!  NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE STORE!!!!" He was getting real mad now.

"Well, that was interesting," concluded Harry, as he, Tigra, Loup, Saphira, and Remus headed for Quality Quidditch Supplies.  "Remus, there's a new broom out.  I want to check the price on it.  I mean, there hasn't been a new broom since the Firebolt came out.  This on is called the Sky Streak."

As soon as Tigra heard the name _Sky Streak_, she just knew that she had to have that broom.  "Mom, can I get one?  Please?" she asked, begging her mom.

"Well… um… err… fine.  But only it you pay 20 Galleons for it yourself, then I'll pay the rest."

"Yay!  Thanks mom.  I love you!"  Tigra ran and gave her mom a HUGE hug.

"Remus," Harry whined.

"Forget it, Harry."

***

"Wow, Kings Cross is crowded," stated Saphira looking around.  They go to the wall between platforms nine and ten.

"Why the hell are we just standing in the middle?  There's no such thing as 9 ¾…."  Loup said sarcastically.

"Yes, Loup there is.  Ok, Tigra your first," Saphira said, "TIGRA GO!" 

"Mom, can you like teach us how to ummmm….do this?"  Tigra said puzzled.

"Okay fine.  Harry, you go first." Saphira said.  Harry ran forward straight into the big, solid, brick wall.  Loup almost started laughing on how idiotic Harry looked charging into the wall until he saw him disappear.

"WHOA!  What the FUCK just happened?!!?!?!?!??!"  Loup yelled open loud.

"Loup PLEASE!  There will NOT be any cursing when I'm around!  Ok Tigra it's your turn!"  Saphira looked at Tigra with her watery eyes and gave her a huge hug and a huge lipstick printing smooch on the cheek and forehead and said, "Oh dear me Tigra, your growing up way too fast!  I'll miss you so much!"

"**MOTHER**!!!  PLEASE NOT HERE!!!!!!  I'll miss you too ma…I love you."  Then Tigra ran straight into the wall with a nervous look on her face and disappeared.

"Ok Loup, go ahead."  Saphira gave him a hug and a kiss.

"Thanks Saphira, for everything." Loup said.

Than he heard this five year old kid say "mommy I wanna disappear like them people!!" then he heard Saphira yelling at the kid and telling him to go jump in front a train, then he would disappear.  Loup thought, *Now that's where Tigra go her anger problems!  Oh well, here goes nothing!*

Loup looked skeptically at the wall.  "To run or not to run.  That is the question."

Tigra's head appeared through the wall.  "LOUP GROVA, GET YOUR SORRY ASS IN HERE BEFORE THE FUCKING TRAIN LEAVES.  YOU'RE SO IMPOSSIBLE!"

"I do try my hardest."   At this Tigra glared at him with a look that said quite clearly 'come or die!'

"Ok, ok, I'm coming!"  With that Loup walked through the wall to platform 9 3/4.  

Together they walked onto the train, looking for a compartment to put their things in.  At the back of the train the last compartment was empty.

"Finally, an empty compartment," sighed Loup.

_Knock, knock._

"Come in."

A small girl with straight, shoulder length, brown hair walked in.  She had blue eyes and pale skin.  "Tigra?"

"Yeah?"

"Tigra, it's me, Jayda Frier," said the girl.

"Jayda?  Is it really you? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  Oh my gods.  I haven't seen you in years.  The last time I saw you was when Babe was born."   Tigra and the girl embraced.  Loup cleared his throat.  "Oh yeah.  Jayda, this is my best friend Loup Grova.  Loup this is Jayda Frier."

Loup and Jayda shook hands.  They both said hi to each other and the three quickly became best of friends in five minutes.

"So what house do you both wanna be in?" asked Jayda when they were all seated.  All of a sudden the train gave a lurch and started moving.

"We're heading to _Hogs Have Warts_," said Tigra as she elbowed Loup.

"Hey!  I was misinformed.  It's not my fault."  At this Jayda and Tigra snickered.

"I know what we need to do!" exclaimed Jayda.

"What?"

"Have nicknames for each other.  Tigra can be, um… Tigz, I can be Jay, and Loup can be Lou."

Everyone agreed.

All of a sudden the door to their compartment opened.  In the door way stood 4 boys and 4 girls.

"They look like Slytherins!" whispered Tigra.

"Looky here.  It's the Canadian Minister for Magic's daughter.  Hello Ms."  The boy looked at Loup and Jayda.  "What do we have here?"

"Hello Seth," said Tigra as she nodded her head towards the short guy at the front of the group.  "Who are your bodyguards and bitches?"

"Take it back!"

"Make me!"

"Oh I will!"

With this, Seth's feet were no longer touching the ground.

A/N:  Well?  You like?? The next chap is gonna be up hopefully soon… Anywho…PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!  And….What is a beta reader? And what does TBC mean?  If you know the answers type them on the review thing…UNTIL NEXT TIME!


	3. God's Food Etc

HOGS HAVE WARTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Chapter 3 – God's Food etc…

Disclaimer: We only own characters that you do not know.  Please Read and Review!!

***

"Hagrid, thank you for bringing the first years up to the castle," said a strict looking witch who had square glasses.

"Your welcome Minerva.  Between you and me, it looks like we are going to have trouble makers for seven years," said Hagrid.

"Which ones?" asked McGonagall.

"You'll see soon."  With that Hagrid left and headed for the Great Hall.

"Hello…"  McGonagall was interrupted for the first time in 27 years.

"Hello… Minnie," said Loup with an evil grin playing on his features.

"Excuse me?!  WHO ARE YOU!?!?"

"I am Loup Raven Lupin Grova.  This is Tigra Lily Snape Ila.  And this, Minnie," said Loup pointing at Jayda, "is Jayda Cassandra Frier."

"Lupin?  Snape?  Ila?  Frier?"  McGonagall fell into a dead faint.  

Peeves suddenly showed up and yelled enough to make everyone deaf, "TEACHER DOWN!!" Then the earth started to shake.  A stampede of Hogwarts staff and students rushed to the scene and Madame Pomfrey hurried Minnie to the hospital wing.

Dumbledore asked, "What's going on here?"  All the first year students pointed to Loup, Tigra, and Jayda.  They looked back with a look on their faces saying, 'WHAT?!' (A/N:  like the Toblerone commercials…lol).  Harry then started laughing and Dumbledore returned a warm, welcoming smile.

"POTTER!  What is it that you find so humorous?!"  Snape sneered.  Mafloy snickered.

"UNCLE SEVY!!!!!!  THAT SOOO NOT NICE!!  Mother told you to behave.  She isn't going to like this.  Remember?  AND STOP BULLYING THE GRYFFINDORS…" Tigra yelled with a mischievous smile placed on her innocent face.   Tigra smile evilly.  "YOU KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM." Everyone in 2nd year an above laughed to see that Snape had a niece and was being told off by her.  Snape stood there looking petrified and everyone in 6th and 7th year laughed, knowing about the Chamber of Secrets.  Snape recovered consciousness and walked away smoothly.

"OK, everyone in the Great Hall for the Sorting Ceremony," Dumbledore chuckled.  

*** 

After the Sorting Ceremony…

"I am SOO happy we all got into Ravenclaw!!" said Jayda, jumping for joy, "YAYNESS ABOVE!!!!" (A/N: lol jade) 

*** 

Outside the Ravenclaw Common Room…

"This statue of books and sketch pats is the entrance to the Common Room.  The password for now is_ Ghost Gum."_

Loup, Tigra, and Jayda followed the fifth year Prefect into the Common Room.

"Wow," whispered Tigra as the Prefect started to tell them the rules (Which they ignored!).

"Girls, up the stairs to the left.  Boys, up the stairs to the right.  Everyone needs to be in their dorm room by 9:30 pm every night."  With that the Prefect headed over to his friends.

Tigra, Loup, and Jayda headed over to the armchairs in front of the fire which no one was sitting in.

"I don't wanna go to bed at 9:30!" whined Jayda.

"Oh shove it!" said Loup and Jayda at the same time.

"I'm bored…" Loup said while eating crushed ice that had randomly appeared. "Wow, ice is God's food!!"

"OOOH let's make a list God's food and drinks!!" said Jayda jumping up and down and got out her wand and said something funny and then a piece of parchment and a quill appeared.

Tigra grabbed the parchment and quill out of the air and started to right the list with Loup and Jayda's help.

God's Foods

- Ice

- Chocolate

- Strawberries

- Banana Chocolate chip Cake

- Ice Cream

- Watermelon

- Grape Fruit

- Sugar

- Roasted Marshmallows

- Gum

- Pizza

- Rice

- Pea Soup

- Gummies

- Sour Sweets

- Waffles

- Cereal

- Carmel Popcorn

God's Drinks

- Sprite

- Water

- Vanilla Coke (Only loved by Loup.)

- Strawberry Smoothies

- Ice Cream Smoothies

- C Plus Wink

"I'm tired," said Tigra as she got up to leave.  "I'm going up to bed."

Jayda followed Tigra up to their dorm which they were sharing with two other girls named Jann Ghetso and Jess Fisher.

Five minutes later Loup headed up to bed.  In the dorm were three other guys named Dan Tills, Eric Caprem, and Josh Reent.

***

The rest of first year pasted in a breeze.  Jayda, Tigra, and Loup learned many new spells and tricks/pranks (which they hadn't pulled yet.)  The got into numerous fights with the first year Slytherins, made Minnie's head greyer, got favored by Snape and Remus, and got a map of Hogwarts for Christmas.  That year Harry, Draco Malfoy, Ron, Hermione, and the other seventh years graduated.

The second year went by even faster with Loup becoming friends with Dan Tills who the girls didn't particularity like.  Over the year Loup had several girlfriends which caused Loup and the girls to drift apart but still be friends.  Pranks started to fly and they got in trouble more than the first year.

Third year was the same except with the increase in homework and Loup's number of girlfriends.  They wanted to break the Detention Record by their Seventh Year.

In the fourth year Tigra went out with one guy named Ariel Topez from Hufflepuff for four days.  Jayda and Tigra became best friends will Loup was still with them, but popular.  For the past four years, Tigra than Loup, then Jayda were the top of their grade.

A/N:  You know the drill.  REVIEW!


	4. He’s White Grey No, he’s blue, he’s Sk...

HOGS HAVE WARTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Chapter 4 – He's White.  Grey.  No, he's blue, he's Skye!

Disclaimer: We only own characters that you do not know.  Please Read and Review!!

Tigra: La la la

Loup:  Shut up you filthy piece of shit!!!!!!!!!!!

Tigra:  Make me.

Loup: Fine.

Loup walks up to Tigra, pull some rope out of his pocket, gags and ties her hands.

Loup:  There.  Sorry you had to see that.  And now the story.

***

"Three up… two across.  What else is new?"  A girl with almond brown hair that had ocean blue streaks in it tapped a brick wall.

She turned around to look at her companion.  She had soft, kind, and wise blue eyes with orange sprinkles that sparkled.  She stood at 5'6" and was slim.  She had porcelain skin and her heart shaped face was the house to a rosy complexion and delicate features.  She was wearing a light blue tank top with a silver star in the middle.  She sported a long denim skirt.  Green ivy was running up the sides of the skirt.  On her feet were a part of flip flops.  Around her neck hung a gold chain with a sliver puma at the end.

"Hurry up already.  The wall is opened," said her companion.

He had dark brown wavy hair with golden highlights here and there.  He stood around 5'7" and with gorgeous green eyes with orange spreading around the pupil and long curly eyelashes that wave hello.  He had pretty muscular arms with a good shaped bod.  He wore a green top saying inappropriate things with baggy cargo pants.

"Hold your horses Loup," said the girl as she walked through the walk way.

"Let's go over to Quality Quidditch Supplies," said Loup.

"Ok."  Together they walked to a store with a broom in the window.

"My mom said I could get the _Wind Racer," said the girl._

"You're so lucky Tigra.  My dad said I could only get the broom if I cleaned my room."

"Did you?"

"Yes!"

"Before we get the brooms lets explore Knockturn Alley, then go to Gringotts, then get our robes, then brooms, then books," said Tigra with a  mischievous grin.

"Knockturn Alley!?!?!?" squeaked Loup with a shiver.

"You chicken!" cried Tigra as she dragged him to the entrance.

As they walked through the alley they looked through all the windows.

At the fifth store they spotted Seth, a fifth year Slytherin.

"Come on.  Let's go in Loup."  Tigra pulled Loup into the store.

"Well, well, well," came a cold voice.  "Looky here.  The wolf and his pet tiger."

"Well, well, well," came Loup's voice.  "Looky here.  The filthy serpent's shit."

"Oh fuck off, what are you doing here anyway?!" Seth said

"Go shove your head in the ground and act like an onion!!" Loup yelled.

"Good one!" Tigra whispered, chuckling.

Seth, not getting what Loup just said about an onion or something said, "Well, maybe I will…TO GET AWAY FROM YOU!" 

"GOOD GOLLY GOSH!!  I'm gonna go to my corner and cry!  Jesus, your cool, CAN I BE YOU?!" Loup said sarcastically and he and Tigra just walked off toward him.

Seth looked around to see if the coast was clear or something, and picked up a flask saying _DO NOT TOUCH…HAZARDOUS and, as dense as he is, threw the flask at Tigra and it shattered on her shoulder._

"FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!! SETH YOU ARE DEAD!  LOUP GET THIS FUCKING SHIT OUT OF MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tigra yelled at the top of her lungs.  Seth then…yup you guessed it…started to rise and he was screaming for help but Loup flicked his wand and tape appeared over Seth's mouth.  Tigra shook her head making the potion spray on Loup's head.  Parts of their hair glowed purple.

All of a sudden the purple vanished.  Tigra and Loup felt a rush of warm energy in their heads.

Which that, they quickly bolted from the store; leave poor (not) Seth tied and gagged. 

***

"Hogwarts?" asked the witch behind the counter.

Tigra nodded.  "Yes.  We both need new robes, and a new cloak." 

***

"Hogwarts?" asked the clerk.

Loup nodded.  "Two sets of fifth year books please."

"What courses?"

"Philosophies and Laws of Magic, and Magical Healing." 

***

"Come on Loup," said Tigra as she started to run through the crowded street of Diagon Alley towards Quality Quidditch Supplies.

Tigra and Loup walked into the store and looked at the display case.  There, sitting it all it glory, was the—

"Excuse me," said a low and deep voice from behind them.

Tigra and Loup turned around to see a boy of about fifteen standing before them.

He stood at 5'6.5", with black hair that was spiked.  His eyes looked like they held the sunset in them.  His body was slim, but fit and muscular.  He was wearing a blue shirt with 'RAPTOR' written on it.  His grey, baggy cargo pants had lots of pockets on them, leaving little room for the pants so it seemed that he was wearing pockets with pants.

'He is so hot.'

"Tigra!  I can't believe that you of all people would say that out loud!" exclaimed Loup.

"Umm, Loup… I didn't say anything," said Tigra with concern.  "Do you need to visit St. Mungo's?"

"No."  'I must be going crazy.'

"You already reached that destination," commented Tigra.

Tigra turned her attention from Loup to the strange before her.  "Sorry.  I'm Tigra Ila and this is Loup Grova.  You are?"

"Skye.  Skye Winger.  It's a pleasure to mean you both."  He shook their hands.

"Do you go to Hogwarts?" asked Loup.

"Yes and no."  Tigra looked confused.  "When I was ten, my father transferred to Spain and we can back here two weeks ago so I'm going to Hogwarts for my fifth year.  What house are you both in?" he asked curiously.

"Ravenclaw."

"Cool.  I'm supposed to get sorted on the 1st.  Hey, were you going to buy the _Wind Racer?"_

"Yes.  We need it for the house Quidditch team," said Tigra.

"What positions do you play?" Skye asked curiously.

"I play seeker, and Loup and Jayda, our other friend, play beaters.  Do you play?"

"Yes, I play chaser.  I want to be on the house team."

"Oh," said Loup as he moved towards the counter to purchase two _Wind Racer_s with the money that Tigra had handed him and his own. 

***

"Tigz, have you found Jayda yet?" Loup yelled out of their compartment on the Hogwarts Express.

"No, but I found the Skye," she answered back sarcastically.

"You did?" asked Loup not picking up on the sarcasm

"You are so dumb.  I found Skye."

"Oh, bring him in."  The compartment door opened to reveal Tigra and Skye.

"Come in before Seth sees you," hissed Loup.

Tigra looked behind her.  "Too late," she said turning around.

"Do you two still have purple hair?"

"Fuck off!" yelled Tigra right into Seth's ear making him temporarily deaf.

"Don't yell at Seth!" screeched his bleached blonde whore Etain.

"Do I really have to say it again?  FUCK OFF!"

Etain and her fellow sluts, Sanaz, Blaire, and Fairuza started to slowly rise off the ground.  Seth and his cronies, Amon, Caleb, and Javid soon joined them up in the air.

"Nice decorations," said a girl with straight, shoulder length brown hair.  She was about 4'9", had pale skin, and pale blue eyes.  Her tank top had deformed cats on it and it said 'Savage Kittens'.  The cats were red on top of a black background.  She was wearing a long black skirt with chains hanging from her.  On her feet were bitch boots.

"JAYDA!" screamed Tigra as she suffocated her friend.

"Tigra… air," squeaked Jayda.  She pushed Tigra off her and looked around the compartment.  It was the same every year.  The Slytherins as ceiling decoration, Loup sitting in a corner with Dan… nope it was someone new.

"Loupa!" she cried giving Loup a hug.  "Hi," she said to the new person in their compartment.

"Hello I'm Skye Winged.  It is nice to meet you…"

Jayda hit him over the head.  "I let you move to Spain and YOU FORGET WHO I AM!" yelled Jayda.  (A/N: When Jayda is like this she looks abusive.)  "You never wrote me.  You never called.  You NEVER visited.  Mother was worried that you and uncle Unis had been hurt or worst KILLED!"

Jayda sat down and turned her back towards Skye.  "Jayda?  Jayda!  I thought I would never see you again.  I lost your address and my owl died when I was mailing you so no other owl knew where you lived."

Skye picked up Jayda and hugged her.

"Nice reunion.  NOT!  NOW CAN YOU LET US THE FUCK DOWN?!?!" yelled Seth from the ceiling.

"Now, now Sethy-poo.  Play nice."  Jayda turned towards Tigra.  "Skye, PUT ME DOWN!"  Skye put her down.  "Tigra, let them down," said Jayda.  "Gently," she said sarcastically as an after thought.

"Ok," said Tigra with an evil grin on her face.  She closed her eyes tightly and thought 'happy thoughts' of Skye and pink happy fluffy bunnies that rip out your spleen with a pencil and eat it.  (A/N: Lol Jayda.)

The compartment door opened and the eight fifth year Slytherins found them selves painfully on the ground outside the compartment with the door shutting in their faces.

"HOGWARTS, TEN MINUTES!  LEAVE YOUR THINGS ON THE TRAIN."

Tigra and Jayda kicked Loup and Skye out so that they could change.

***

"Winger, Skye!" called out 'Minnie' McGonagall.

Skye slowly walked up to the hat.

"Go Skye!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Get your sorry ass into Ravenclaw!" yelled Jayda jumping up onto the table so she could see.

The Hall laughed.  "Miss Frier please remain seated."

"Yes Snape."  She turned towards Loup and Tigra.  "Snake…" she whispered.

"I heard that.  10 points from Ravenclaw," said Snape.

"But school hasn't started yet!" cried Tigra.  "Uncle Sevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvy… that's not nice.  Take it back!"

Snape mumbled something.  "I can't hear you!"

"Ten points back to Ravenclaw."

"And?"

"I'm sorry."

"Good."  Everyone was staring at her and Snape.  "WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT?  THE SORTING'S THAT WAY AND I DON'T WANT TO BE MAD BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS."  Everyone quickly averted their eyes to the sorting.

"RAVENCLAW!" yelled out the hat.

****************************************************************

Tigra: MNMNMNMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Loup: What is that? I CANT HEAR YOU!

Tigra had somehow freed her hands.  She took out some Pepper Spray from her pocket and sprayed Loup in the eyes.

Loup: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! My eyes!!!!!!!!!!

Tigra untied her legs and ungagged herself.  She took a frying pan off the desk where the computer sat and hit Loup over the head.

Loup: OW FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

Tigra:  See u guys later!

Loup: SHIT FUCK PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tigra picked up the pan again and swung it around Loup hitting him in the head again.

Loup: Owww…

Tigra: Sorry about that.  Review.  Bye.

Tigra drags Loup off and locks him in a closet.


End file.
